After a distressing event it’s normal to feel a range of emotions as a parent/caregiver. It’s important to acknowledge these and look after ourselves as our daughters often look to us as role models for how we cope and manage our stress.
Children and adolescents can respond to traumatic events in a range of different ways, some of which may not always be immediately obvious. Developmentally it’s natural for primary aged children to come to you with worries or fears. Adolescents are more likely to want to be independent and turn instead to their peers. You may see them engaging and talking more or less to their friends/family and they may express more fears or feel more anxious about everyday activities. You may also observe changes to their mood such as irritability, anger, mood swings and sadness. They may also struggle with sleep/appetite, concentration, and motivation. These are common responses to stress.
It’s important that we respect their independence while remaining connected to them and providing check ins as needed. Maintaining routine and boundaries can be helpful and containing during this time. While it may not look like it, they still need reassurance, emotional support and connection with their parents and caregivers.
For primary school aged children a conversation may not be required. You know your daughter best. If you suspect your daughter is aware of the event, start the conversation when you are calm and prepared. It’s okay not to have all the answers and to let your daughter know this. The most important thing is to answer honestly without unnecessary detail in an age appropriate way. You could start by asking “what have you heard?” and follow up with “how do you feel about it?” It’s important to validate any response they have. Statements such as “I can see it’s really upsetting/hard for you”, “It’s understandable that you’d feel that way”, “I feel that way too” can help to normalise and validate their feelings.
Reassure them that they are safe and focus on maintaining routine with healthy coping strategies. This includes getting a good night’s sleep, eating well, getting regular movement/exercise, connecting to family/friends and doing things that feel good for them. It is also helpful to be mindful of their social media and technology use. This may help to minimise exposure to content that may heighten their feelings of distress.
If your young person is already connected to a mental health professional it may be helpful to update them and consider arranging an appointment if required.
If you have concerns about your daughter, you can also reach out to:
Ruyton School Counsellors
Lifeline: 13 11 14 www.lifeline.org.au
1800Respect: 1800 737 732 www.1800respect.org.au
Kids Helpline: 1800 551 800 www.kidshelpline.com.au
Kidshelpline have resources for kids, teens and parents about responding to distressing events
Headspace: www.headspace.org.au
Raising Children Network have a factsheet for parents about coping with trauma
Beyond Blue: 1300 22 4636 www.beyondblue.org.au
